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00:00:02,602 --> 00:00:05,536
(theme music playing)
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00:00:19,218 --> 00:00:24,022
NARRATOR:
Man lives in the sunlit world
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00:00:24,090 --> 00:00:28,493
of what he believes
to be reality.
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But... there is,
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unseen by most, an underworld.
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A place that is just as real
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but not as brightly lit.
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A dark side.
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(lively jazz playing)
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Lord... Lord...
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how it come to this,
I'll never know.
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The Lord's kitchen,
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and that deserves better
than I got.
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Old man shouldn't be working.
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Should be relaxing
in the sunshine in a hammock,
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sipping something cool,
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watching the young folk
carry the load.
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'Cause this ain't natural.
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You hear that, woman?!
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This ain't natural.
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(tapping)
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Henry Hogan, Pierce,
Lubner and Hogan,
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here to see Miss Cuzzins.
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She told me someone
was coming by.
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Don't know why that woman
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can't keep her hours
in the regular old daytime.
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An old man shouldn't
have to work
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into the wee hours
of the morning, no, sir.
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No heart.
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That woman
treats me just like
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the old kitchen rat
that I am.
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This place is a gold mine.
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WOMAN:
My cookies can do
a whole lot for you.
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You won't find nothing,
no place,
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00:03:05,417 --> 00:03:08,720
that's as good for your soul
as these here cookies of mine.
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Take the trouble
off your shoulders,
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00:03:10,355 --> 00:03:12,289
put a smile on your face
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and make you feel
just like a child again.
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Hey, I'm the
advertising man here,
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and I'm already
a satisfied customer.
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Yes, indeed, I am.
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As a matter of fact,
I am probably
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your number one fan.
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Why, when I munch on one of your
Shortbread Painkillers here,
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my headache just seems
to go right away.
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And when I take one of your
Oatmeal Bodybuilders,
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why, I feel like I've been
exercising the whole week long.
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00:03:35,114 --> 00:03:37,915
And when I pop one of your
Peanut Butter Tranquillizers...
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(chuckles)
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(chuckles)
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00:03:41,186 --> 00:03:44,055
Well...
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It's not my imagination
now, is it, Miss Cuzzins?
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00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:51,896
And it ain't no flashback
from childhood innocence.
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It ain't innocence at all,
is it, Miss Cuzzins?
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Why don't you go ahead and
scratch that itch, Mr. Hogan.
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You've been wanting to
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ever since you called on me
this afternoon.
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Okay.
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00:04:02,074 --> 00:04:05,076
Here it is.
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00:04:05,144 --> 00:04:07,845
You've done pretty well
with this little shop,
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00:04:07,913 --> 00:04:12,550
but I say... why
settle for this?
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I want to show you
how you can expand.
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00:04:15,421 --> 00:04:18,456
How you could put more stores
right here in New Orleans--
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00:04:18,524 --> 00:04:20,958
franchises
in every major city.
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Why, you could become
a millionaire--
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00:04:22,928 --> 00:04:24,862
even a billionaire.
Hmm...
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00:04:26,065 --> 00:04:27,999
Sit down, Hogan.
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00:04:28,067 --> 00:04:31,136
Why, thank you, ma'am.
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00:04:31,203 --> 00:04:35,306
You see, you inspired me.
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You inspired me to open up
my own advertising agency.
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00:04:38,477 --> 00:04:40,345
And you're looking to steal
away your first client.
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00:04:40,412 --> 00:04:41,679
That it, Mr. Hogan?
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00:04:41,714 --> 00:04:43,281
I'm just tired
of answering to people.
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00:04:43,349 --> 00:04:44,749
Tired of answering to people
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00:04:44,816 --> 00:04:46,384
that I know
that I'm smarter than.
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00:04:46,485 --> 00:04:47,752
When people find out
what I do
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00:04:47,820 --> 00:04:49,286
with this little
cookie shop of yours,
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I'm going to have clients
lined up a mile long.
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00:04:51,590 --> 00:04:53,624
I might even become
an advertising legend.
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But what if this
hole-in-the-wall cookie shop
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ain't interested, hmm?
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You'll be interested.
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You see, you've got
to be interested.
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Because if you're
not, Mrs. Cuzzins,
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I'll have to do it
without you.
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That means
that I'll have to find out
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00:05:04,503 --> 00:05:06,170
what you've got
in this here cookie batter.
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And I'm sure the boys
down at the crime lab
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would be glad to help me out.
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(chuckling)
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(Dixieland jazz playing)
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(sighs, chuckles)
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I figured something
like this was coming.
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Yes, sir, I've had
my eyes on you.
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Waiting for you
to make your move.
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I had a fistful
of Crunchy Nut Aggressions
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on my way over here.
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Now, why don't you try some of
your Tollhouse Mind Expanders
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and see what a fabulous
future we can have together.
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(wry chuckle)
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The only cookies I ever eat
are Chocolate Chip Happiness.
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Hmm.
That's why I can keep
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a smile on my face while dealing
with sidewinders like you.
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Hey, I'm just out
to make a buck.
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You're the one that's pushing
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chemical persuasion
across the counter.
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00:06:02,528 --> 00:06:05,697
Now see, that's why I don't like
the idea of partners.
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Partners always seem to wind up
thinking badly of one another.
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Hmm.
I don't want to be your partner.
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I want no part of the rap
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if you get caught
at what you're doing.
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I don't even want to know
what magic ingredients
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you're using
in these here cookies.
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All I want is your
advertising business.
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And I even got
the first Hogan slogan.
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"Cuzzins Dozens... little brown
bags full of country sunshine...
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to help you cope
with city life."
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Hogan, that's
a good slogan.
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This slogan can sell
a bunch of Cuzzins Dozens.
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Hmm.
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Can't them feet
move any faster,
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you old kitchen rat?
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It takes you an hour
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to watch a minute go by
on the clock.
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Brain soaked with liquor.
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That's your problem,
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you worthless old kitchen rat.
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Hmm.
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(sighs)
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Well, Hogan, I'll
think on all of this.
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I ain't saying
I'm gonna do it,
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but I'll think on it.
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Hmm?
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00:07:21,740 --> 00:07:23,641
Hmm.... hmm.
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Help yourself
to some cookies
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on your way out.
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(Cuzzins cackling
with laughter)
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Here, take these
cookies with you.
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Wha...? Okay.
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Hey, I never seen this
on the rack before.
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I thought she only baked
12 different kinds--
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Cuzzins Dozens.
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Baker's dozen.
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That's always 13.
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She don't sell these.
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They're too powerful.
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Too powerful, huh?
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CUZZINS:
Aloysius!
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Hey, um, what's in these
things, anyway, old man?
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00:08:06,151 --> 00:08:07,919
I can't tell you that.
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00:08:07,986 --> 00:08:09,487
Sh-She's a bayou witch woman.
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The worst there is.
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00:08:11,156 --> 00:08:12,356
(laughing)
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00:08:12,424 --> 00:08:14,158
You've got to be kidding.
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00:08:14,226 --> 00:08:16,961
Well, she keep that smile
on her face,
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00:08:17,029 --> 00:08:21,031
but you stare at it long enough,
you see the devil in there.
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00:08:21,033 --> 00:08:23,300
It's some bad hoodoo
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00:08:23,335 --> 00:08:25,369
she's using, Hogan.
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00:08:25,436 --> 00:08:28,072
She belong to the devil
all right.
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00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:29,640
CUZZINS:
Aloysius!
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(entrance bell ringing)
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I got to take a chance
on you, Hogan.
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This woman needs
to be brought down.
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And these gingerbread cookies
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are the only things
that can do it.
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Oh, why would I do
a thing like that?
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00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:49,227
CUZZINS: Aloysius,
you get in here!
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Wait a minute, old man. We
ain't through talking yet.
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I'm gonna be back just
as soon as I find out
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what these cookies can do.
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Just go. Go.
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(door locking)
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Old man shouldn't have
to work like this.
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00:09:08,479 --> 00:09:10,314
CUZZINS:
You're gonna work
until you die,
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00:09:10,381 --> 00:09:12,182
you old kitchen rat!
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00:09:12,251 --> 00:09:15,286
You loafed away
your whole life,
177
00:09:15,354 --> 00:09:17,588
doing nothing for nobody.
178
00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:20,391
I'm gonna see to it that
you make up for it, though.
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00:09:20,492 --> 00:09:24,695
I'm gonna work your butt
to a frazzle.
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00:09:26,297 --> 00:09:27,331
(whimpering)
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00:09:27,399 --> 00:09:28,999
This ain't natural, woman!
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00:09:29,101 --> 00:09:32,870
You gave out a dozen
of my gingerbreads,
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00:09:32,938 --> 00:09:34,038
didn't you, old man?
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00:09:34,106 --> 00:09:36,507
You took some
of the batch
185
00:09:36,541 --> 00:09:39,911
I was baking
and gave it to Hogan,
186
00:09:39,978 --> 00:09:41,312
didn't you?!
(groans)
187
00:09:41,913 --> 00:09:43,381
(gasping groan)
188
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You think he's gonna use them
against me, don't you?
189
00:09:47,319 --> 00:09:48,552
Ha-ha!
190
00:09:48,620 --> 00:09:51,188
You simple old fool.
191
00:09:51,256 --> 00:09:54,658
He ain't gonna do nothing
against me.
192
00:09:54,727 --> 00:09:55,927
(yelling in pain)
193
00:09:56,028 --> 00:09:59,430
When he finds out
what them cookies can do,
194
00:09:59,497 --> 00:10:03,167
he's gonna use them
to feather his nest.
195
00:10:03,268 --> 00:10:05,035
His and mine.
196
00:10:05,137 --> 00:10:07,104
I'm gonna get
rich and famous.
197
00:10:07,139 --> 00:10:08,205
(chuckles)
198
00:10:08,273 --> 00:10:12,209
And old Hogan's
gonna do it for me.
199
00:10:12,277 --> 00:10:13,010
(cackling)
200
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:15,479
No!
201
00:10:15,547 --> 00:10:17,148
No!
202
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:18,983
It ain't natural.
203
00:10:19,051 --> 00:10:21,419
You ain't natural.
204
00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:26,223
Not since the night
you first drew breath.
205
00:10:26,291 --> 00:10:27,525
I knew it.
206
00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:35,299
Oh, I wish I could
take that night back.
207
00:10:35,367 --> 00:10:39,237
Make it so you never was.
208
00:10:41,106 --> 00:10:42,539
(groans)
209
00:10:42,607 --> 00:10:44,976
(wheezing)
210
00:10:45,043 --> 00:10:47,745
Yes, sir, I know you do.
211
00:10:47,846 --> 00:10:49,313
But you should
have thought of that
212
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:52,983
before you went off
chasing moonshine.
213
00:10:53,085 --> 00:10:54,885
Before you left me
214
00:10:54,953 --> 00:10:58,923
and my mama
in a backwater shack
215
00:10:58,991 --> 00:11:03,661
with three pennies in my hand
216
00:11:03,729 --> 00:11:06,831
and even less in my head.
217
00:11:06,898 --> 00:11:10,034
Nah, it's too late now.
218
00:11:11,370 --> 00:11:13,938
(whimpering)
Way too late.
219
00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:18,176
It's too late, Papa!
220
00:11:18,210 --> 00:11:20,845
(Aloysius screaming
and groaning)
221
00:11:22,047 --> 00:11:23,680
(rat squeaking)
222
00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,955
Kitchen rat.
223
00:11:31,022 --> 00:11:33,957
Old rotten kitchen rat!
224
00:11:34,025 --> 00:11:36,159
(laughing)
225
00:11:36,227 --> 00:11:39,730
(maniacal laughter)
226
00:11:45,971 --> 00:11:47,905
�
227
00:12:13,231 --> 00:12:16,833
WOMAN: So you finally
decided to come home.
228
00:12:16,901 --> 00:12:19,002
Go back to bed, Helen.
229
00:12:22,207 --> 00:12:25,809
Who are you seeing, Henry?
230
00:12:25,877 --> 00:12:29,480
Is it your secretary,
Marlene?
231
00:12:29,548 --> 00:12:31,815
Is that who it is?
232
00:12:31,883 --> 00:12:34,051
I am not seeing anyone.
233
00:12:34,119 --> 00:12:35,719
I was at a business meeting.
234
00:12:35,787 --> 00:12:38,322
Now will you please
go back to sleep?!
235
00:12:38,390 --> 00:12:42,126
It is Marlene,
isn't it?
236
00:12:42,194 --> 00:12:46,731
I hear you on the phone
with her, Henry.
237
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:52,669
There's that certain
something in your voice.
238
00:12:52,738 --> 00:12:54,739
You talk to her
239
00:12:54,806 --> 00:12:57,742
the way you used
to talk to me.
240
00:12:59,811 --> 00:13:01,612
I'm not seeing anyone.
241
00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:03,247
Now you're starting
to agitate me.
242
00:13:03,315 --> 00:13:05,048
Will you please go to bed?
243
00:13:07,285 --> 00:13:10,354
You don't pay attention
to me anymore, Henry.
244
00:13:10,422 --> 00:13:13,023
You haven't for a long time.
245
00:13:13,091 --> 00:13:16,827
I'm preoccupied trying
to make money.
246
00:13:16,895 --> 00:13:18,762
You know, money, Helen--
247
00:13:18,830 --> 00:13:21,098
that green stuff
that you like to spend?
248
00:13:23,134 --> 00:13:25,502
It's not the work, Henry!
249
00:13:25,570 --> 00:13:28,839
It's me.
250
00:13:28,906 --> 00:13:31,741
You've lost interest in me.
251
00:13:31,810 --> 00:13:34,512
And now you're seeing
someone else.
252
00:13:34,613 --> 00:13:36,813
Admit it!
253
00:13:36,915 --> 00:13:39,750
Not now. Not now, Helen.
254
00:13:39,818 --> 00:13:41,786
Please, not now!
255
00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:44,288
(screaming in pain)
256
00:13:47,893 --> 00:13:49,159
(groans)
257
00:13:49,227 --> 00:13:52,329
Now what the hell
is the matter, Helen?
258
00:13:52,397 --> 00:13:55,099
Oh, my God,
how frightening.
259
00:13:55,166 --> 00:13:57,534
I've never felt anything
like that in my life.
260
00:13:57,602 --> 00:13:59,603
Like what?
261
00:13:59,670 --> 00:14:02,172
Like... pain!
262
00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:04,508
Pain-- hot.
263
00:14:04,575 --> 00:14:07,144
Hot like I was
being dunked
264
00:14:07,212 --> 00:14:09,346
in boiling water
or something.
265
00:14:09,414 --> 00:14:12,850
(groaning)
266
00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:14,018
Ow!
267
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:23,094
(screams)
268
00:14:26,131 --> 00:14:30,234
(screaming)
269
00:14:30,301 --> 00:14:33,604
(laughing maniacally)
270
00:14:36,275 --> 00:14:38,876
MALE REPORTER:
Larry Julius reporting from New
Orleans where the American dream
271
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,844
has come true for a lady
who bakes cookies.
272
00:14:40,913 --> 00:14:44,348
Thanks to a clever campaign
designed by adman Henry Hogan,
273
00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:47,485
Miss Ruby Cuzzins is spreading
Chocolate Chip Happiness
274
00:14:47,552 --> 00:14:50,488
from sea to shining sea.
275
00:14:50,555 --> 00:14:53,991
FEMALE REPORTER:
Charles Arbergast, president
of the First National Bank
276
00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:55,626
of New Orleans, died last night,
277
00:14:55,693 --> 00:14:57,962
from stab wounds suffered
when a mugger assaulted him
278
00:14:58,030 --> 00:15:00,564
in a parking lot in the
French Quarter of the city.
279
00:15:00,632 --> 00:15:03,133
(laughter continues throughout)
280
00:15:11,609 --> 00:15:12,876
MALE REPORTER: Henry Hogan,
281
00:15:12,945 --> 00:15:14,378
founder of Hogan's Slogans
is rumored
282
00:15:14,446 --> 00:15:16,914
to be about to file
for bankruptcy protection.
283
00:15:16,982 --> 00:15:18,882
In an announcement that stunned
the advertising world,
284
00:15:18,951 --> 00:15:20,217
Hogan said today that,
285
00:15:20,285 --> 00:15:21,718
due to circumstances
beyond his control,
286
00:15:21,786 --> 00:15:23,955
he was afraid he could no longer
stay in business.
287
00:15:24,022 --> 00:15:25,122
(knocking)
288
00:15:25,190 --> 00:15:27,658
ALOYSIUS: I'm coming.
I'm coming.
289
00:15:32,397 --> 00:15:34,698
Hello, Aloysius.
How you been?
290
00:15:37,735 --> 00:15:40,071
Aloysius, wait,
I want to talk to you.
291
00:15:40,138 --> 00:15:43,507
We got nothing to say
to each other, Mr. Hogan.
292
00:15:43,575 --> 00:15:46,710
Aloysius, wait.
293
00:15:46,778 --> 00:15:48,579
Wait, Aloysius.
294
00:15:53,851 --> 00:15:55,919
Well...
295
00:15:56,021 --> 00:15:58,756
well, well!
(chuckles)
296
00:15:58,890 --> 00:16:01,425
You've just about used
up all those cookies
297
00:16:01,492 --> 00:16:03,227
Aloysius gave
you last year,
298
00:16:03,294 --> 00:16:05,596
right, Hogan?
299
00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:06,963
What cookies?
300
00:16:07,032 --> 00:16:08,532
I know he gave you
those gingerbreads,
301
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:10,668
and I know what you've
been doing with them.
302
00:16:10,735 --> 00:16:13,404
Except they're just about
all used up by now,
303
00:16:13,471 --> 00:16:15,038
ain't they, Hogan?
304
00:16:15,106 --> 00:16:17,808
(sighing):
I-I want...
305
00:16:17,876 --> 00:16:20,777
I-I gotta have 12,
12 more gingerbread cookies.
306
00:16:20,812 --> 00:16:24,247
Those other clients never did
come around, did they, Hogan?
307
00:16:24,282 --> 00:16:26,016
They never did line up
308
00:16:26,051 --> 00:16:27,584
the way you thought
they would, huh?
309
00:16:27,652 --> 00:16:29,753
You know why?
310
00:16:29,888 --> 00:16:32,289
'Cause I fixed it.
311
00:16:32,356 --> 00:16:39,029
I figured, uh, you should pay
all of your attention to me
312
00:16:39,097 --> 00:16:41,698
and my cookies.
313
00:16:47,039 --> 00:16:50,674
What are you gonna do with that
one cookie you got left, huh?
314
00:16:50,742 --> 00:16:52,843
Planning on using it on me, hmm?
315
00:16:52,877 --> 00:16:55,045
Only if I have to, Miss Cuzzins.
316
00:16:55,113 --> 00:16:58,382
We ain't gonna hurt
your only claim to fame.
317
00:16:58,417 --> 00:16:59,683
Huh?
318
00:16:59,718 --> 00:17:02,986
No, sir, you can't afford
to toss me aside.
319
00:17:03,054 --> 00:17:05,956
Baby, I'm all you got!
320
00:17:10,729 --> 00:17:13,464
You know, Hogan,
when you first came in here
321
00:17:13,531 --> 00:17:14,831
with your crazy scheme,
322
00:17:14,899 --> 00:17:18,202
I was afraid we wasn't gonna
get along too well.
323
00:17:18,270 --> 00:17:22,873
Huh, but now we're
getting along just fine.
324
00:17:22,941 --> 00:17:24,441
Real fine,
325
00:17:24,543 --> 00:17:26,176
ain't we, darlin'?
326
00:17:26,244 --> 00:17:28,312
(smooching)
327
00:17:30,715 --> 00:17:32,082
(door shuts)
328
00:17:38,356 --> 00:17:39,957
(sighs)
329
00:17:43,728 --> 00:17:45,462
(ice tinkling in glass)
330
00:17:47,231 --> 00:17:48,498
(soft groan)
331
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:52,169
It's after midnight.
332
00:17:52,236 --> 00:17:53,771
(sighs)
333
00:17:53,838 --> 00:17:55,606
I had a meeting.
334
00:17:55,674 --> 00:17:58,943
With who, Marlene?
335
00:17:59,010 --> 00:18:00,377
I'm not seeing Marlene.
336
00:18:00,445 --> 00:18:02,846
I'm not seeing anyone.
337
00:18:02,948 --> 00:18:05,682
Now look, I've had
a real rough day.
338
00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:07,451
I'm gonna go upstairs,
I'm gonna take a shower,
339
00:18:07,519 --> 00:18:08,918
and I'm gonna
try and relax.
340
00:18:09,020 --> 00:18:11,688
When I come out,
you'd better be asleep.
341
00:18:29,607 --> 00:18:30,907
(ice tinkling in glass)
342
00:18:30,975 --> 00:18:32,909
(water running)
343
00:18:35,212 --> 00:18:36,647
(crinkling)
344
00:18:54,699 --> 00:18:58,034
I never wore purple lipstick.
345
00:19:00,838 --> 00:19:03,840
You are seeing Marlene.
346
00:19:05,843 --> 00:19:08,111
Henry, you...!
347
00:19:08,179 --> 00:19:10,314
(Henry screaming)
348
00:19:11,816 --> 00:19:13,851
(screaming continues)
349
00:19:13,919 --> 00:19:15,084
(shrieks)
350
00:19:16,454 --> 00:19:17,821
(screaming)
351
00:19:17,889 --> 00:19:19,088
(Henry stops screaming)
352
00:19:25,930 --> 00:19:26,897
(Cuzzins grunts)
(Aloysius groans)
353
00:19:27,132 --> 00:19:30,667
It's past your bedtime,
kitchen rat.
354
00:19:34,072 --> 00:19:36,373
I'm gonna get you, woman.
355
00:19:36,441 --> 00:19:39,075
Hogan missed
his chance,
356
00:19:39,144 --> 00:19:42,912
but I still got mine!
357
00:19:42,981 --> 00:19:45,081
(chuckles)
358
00:19:45,149 --> 00:19:46,216
You do, do you?
359
00:19:46,384 --> 00:19:48,385
Well, we'll see
about that.
360
00:19:48,453 --> 00:19:50,187
(Aloysius groaning)
361
00:19:50,222 --> 00:19:52,455
What are you going to do to me
362
00:19:52,523 --> 00:19:54,992
when you're just
an old kitchen rat?
363
00:19:55,026 --> 00:19:56,359
(groaning)
364
00:19:56,428 --> 00:19:59,095
Kitchen rat! Kitchen rat!
365
00:19:59,163 --> 00:20:00,330
(laughing)
366
00:20:00,398 --> 00:20:03,266
(squeaking)
367
00:20:03,335 --> 00:20:05,268
(laughing maniacally)
368
00:20:08,673 --> 00:20:11,608
(laughing uncontrollably)
369
00:20:16,180 --> 00:20:19,049
(gasping breaths)
370
00:20:21,853 --> 00:20:23,920
(screaming):
Aloysius!
371
00:20:23,988 --> 00:20:25,556
You couldn't have!
372
00:20:25,623 --> 00:20:27,658
No! You... How did you...?
373
00:20:27,726 --> 00:20:29,360
What is, what is...?
374
00:20:29,427 --> 00:20:33,330
(screaming in agony)
375
00:20:35,166 --> 00:20:36,700
Aloysius!
376
00:20:36,768 --> 00:20:38,134
(gasping)
377
00:20:38,202 --> 00:20:41,004
(panting)
378
00:20:41,071 --> 00:20:43,106
A baker's dozen!
379
00:20:43,174 --> 00:20:47,143
You gave him 12,
380
00:20:47,211 --> 00:20:51,014
then you kept the 13th!
381
00:20:51,082 --> 00:20:53,983
(screaming)
382
00:20:54,051 --> 00:20:56,720
(screaming in horror)
383
00:20:56,821 --> 00:20:58,756
(sustained screaming)
384
00:21:05,764 --> 00:21:07,698
(screaming continues)
385
00:21:19,743 --> 00:21:23,513
NARRATOR:
The dark side is always there.
386
00:21:23,581 --> 00:21:26,049
Waiting for us to enter.
387
00:21:26,117 --> 00:21:29,219
Waiting to enter us.
388
00:21:29,287 --> 00:21:35,625
Until next time, try
to enjoy the daylight.